Stories of The Damned
by MeruMarsters
Summary: Tara had left me with my addictions and selfhatred. Buffy had left Spike with a broken heart and a sootblackened crypt. This is our story.
1. Prologue

Titled: Stories of the Damned

Author: MeruMarsters

Summary: Spike/Willow fic, dramatic, angsty, and overall, a story of love. Kind of AU. Set right after "Smashed." after the prologue. Everything just sort of takes it's own course. Just go along with it and see what happens.

Disclaimer: I have no claim over any aspect of Buffy the Vampire Slayer whatsoever. BTVS is owned and copyrighted by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al. You get it. I'm merely a fan.

Feedback: Please. All happy little praises and constructive critisism will be noted and appreciated. All spiteful, and may I mention lame and really pointless flames will he sent to the poof in L.A. to be filed. Then, sent to a random hell demension that will be chosen by a pair of dice. Spooky, all knowing dice.

A/N: -sigh- Just go along with it.

* * *

I can see him. Really see him, not just what they think he is. I can see _it._ I can see what he did for _her_, I can see how it's destroying him. He doesn't deserve it. He. Doesn't. Fucking. Deserve it. I breaks me to look at him, to look at what he's done to rectify his past. And now I see what I never did before. He really is a lost soul, pun not intended. I always thought he was so determined, so put together, so very solid. And now, now with that terrible sadness in his eyes, I know he's just like me. So fucking lost, so fucking driven down by so many fucking expectations, so many fucking words that cut deeper than a blow ever could. So many.

He still loves Buffy, if not in the same way as before. He'll always love her. He'll always love Dru. It can't be helped. When he loves, he loves with all of his heart, or all that he has at least. There will always be those parts he can't have back. But he loves with all he possesses, that much is so very true. He can _see _what she did, she how used him. He understands now, even more than before. Even more than he did when he did this. He understands it really _was_ her. The old Spike wouldn't have cared. The old Spike would have kept trying. The old Spike wouldn't have listened to her.

The old Spike was murdered in a fucking cave in Africa trying to get what he so desperately thought he needed.

The old Spike tried so hard.

This Spike is something completely different. He's not William. William died a long time ago. I think I would have liked William, from what Spike used to tell me about him. Those weeks that seem so very far away. That single night in which I fell in love with him.

Tara had left me with my addictions and my regrets. Buffy had left Spike with a broken heart and a soot-blackened crypt. These are the stories no one ever heard. These are the stories of me and Spike. My name is Willow Rosenburg, and these are the Stories of the Damned.


	2. 1 The Beginning

Titled: Stories of the Damned 

Author: MeruMarsters

Summary: Spike/Willow fic, dramatic, angsty, and overall, a story of love. Kind of AU. Set right after "Smashed." after the prologue. Everything just sort of takes it's own course. Just go along with it and see what happens.

Disclaimer: I have no claim over any aspect of Buffy the Vampire Slayer whatsoever. BTVS is owned and copyrighted by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al. You get it. I'm merely a fan.

Feedback: Please. All happy little praises and constructive critisism will be noted and appreciated. All spiteful, and may I mention lame and really pointless flames will he sent to the poof in L.A. to be filed. Then, sent to a random hell demension that will be chosen by a pair of dice. Spooky, all knowing dice.

A/N: -sigh- Just go along with it.

* * *

I sat on the bathroom floor, crying. How could Tara do his to me? Didn't she know she was my light? My everything? I didn't mean for all of it to get out of hand, I swear. I just wanted things back the way they were...and now it's all gone to hell. I'd been crying every night since the Tabula Rasa incident, when everyone was out. I just couldn't help it. But tonight, something was different. I was at my end. There wasn't even any hope left. I got up, got dressed, and went out. It was close to sunrise, but there was time. Maybe I could go out slaying, get myself killed and everyone would just forget me. "Stupid little WIllow, magick addict," they'd say, "what was she thinking?" They'd never even guess I'd be thinking _this_. I walked to the nearest cemetery, quick and quiet, keeping to the shadows. If they couldn't find me, they couldn't save me, and I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want...anything.

That's when I heard the explosion. Despite my despair, I couldn't help but wonder what was happening. I started to jog over that way, and hid. No need to attract any attention. I recognized where I was, Spike's crypt. Then Rielly walked out, soot on his face. What was he doing here? Shouldn't he be trying to find Buffy? He started to run back to Buffy's house, probably to Samantha. Nice woman, even if I'll never tell Buffy. Speaking of, where was she? And what happened to Spike's crypt? I inched closer, hoping to find my sort of life, or un-life, since it _was_ Spike's crypt.

"I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish..."  
"Really not complaining here."  
"...and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this...I'm sorry, William."

Shock coursed through my body. It all made sense. The late nights, the impromptu leavings, Buffy and Spike. And somehow, it wasn't all that hard to believe. He loved her. He really did. And she...I couldn't blame her. I was my fault. _I_ brought Buffy back. I tore her out of heaven, because I was too selfish to let her rest.

Buffy appeared at the crypt door, and walked out into the early sunlight. She looked crushed. But it wasn't Buffy I wanted to cry for. Spike. Spike... He loved her. So much. Even when I was so concerned about my next fix, I'd see him, and my heart would hurt for just a second. His eyes told so much. He would do anything for Buffy. Like I would do anything for Tara. I would have done anything for Tara. I loved her so much. But I was weak. I let the magick get to me, and it oulled me under.

I made a decision. I entered Spike's crypt. He looked up at my sound, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but it was quickly put away the minute he saw me. I didn't care. He was hurting so much, that I wanted to hurt with him just a little too. I sat down, I stared him in the eyes. So much pain I could see in him, so much he could see in me. I reached out for his hand and took it, a question. He nodded ever so slightly. I crawled next to him and in a moment, he was holding me.

"I'm sorry, Spike."

No other words were spoken. I sobbed into him, and soon, he was sobbing just the same. We held eachother as we cried, unaware of the midday sun outside, unaware of the blackened walls and everything else. A little while later, we fell asleep, neither knowing, nor wanting to know, what would happen when we awoke.


End file.
